I debated whether to add to this, when so many others have already said what I wanted to and way better. But then I decided that I have the right to stand up for myself and be counted - even if it can be considered feeding the trolls. I agree with the sentiment to some extent, I really really do get it, but I’m also concerned about letting the trolls shut us up about the stuff that’s important to us. I’m angry, dammit, and I have a right to voice that. There’s one thing I would like to talk about:

Intent matters, but not to the point where “good” intent cancels out unintentional negative implications. The author (even of little tweets) is dead. Actual reality of what you say is what matters. Let’s re-visit the old ‘stepped on your foot’ analogy. If you step on someone’s foot you apologize - even if you didn’t mean to step on their foot (this is intent vs. reality). Maybe you tried really hard not to step on their foot, but you still do it, and when you do, you apologize - you don’t tell them ‘Since I didn’t mean to step on your foot, your hurt is invalid, get over it’ or ‘You should wear better shoes so I can step on your feet in peace’. If you’re wearing really kick-ass shoes and didn’t notice you stepped on someone’s foot (this is heterosexual privilege - or any privilege), you give the person who suddenly says “Ouch!” next to you the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe you accidentally hurt them even if you didn’t notice.

It’s not for the wearer of the shoes to determine who got hurt. As a lesbian I get hurt every day in a lot of ways. That’s not a sob-story, that’s reality. Every day just by being in the world I will come across a multitude of people and platforms seeking to intentionally or unintentionally dismiss me, pass judgement on me, inform me why I am less worthy than all the straight people, plain hate me. And even if it seems like a small thing, an unintentional thing, it comes on top of a thousand other things, and I have the right to say ‘THIS HURTS’.

Because no-one else gets to decide what makes me hurt and what doesn’t. And no-one gets to question the validity of that hurt either.